8:15 PM, December 31, 2009

The moon appears a full disc of fiery ice
peering disdainfully down upon our atmosphere.
I hear fireworks all around, but cannot see them,
as I sit quietly on my patio in the sprinkling mist.

Eric got off work early and came to pick up Carl,
to take him to Jessica's and Brad's, where they'll
drink, smoke, play video games, and perhaps watch
the brilliantly extravagant fireworks display the
neighbors always put on there. Meanwhile, Jessica
and Brad took the kids to their other parent's
annual NYE bash - at Kam's, Kern's, Anna's, & JJ's
parents' house in The Woodlands. Fred went with
Alfee and Louise to pick up her other 2 grandsons
in Baytown, then to visit Chance and his family, if
they can be found.

I opted to stay home, where I've cooked pork loin,
and have scalloped potatoes baking, with some fresh
broccoli stems sauteeing on the stove. I'm a loner,
for the most part. I don't mind not being involved
in any celebratory festivities. I like solitude, maybe
too much sometimes. But, after all, I am my own best
friend. LOL Well, actually, I'm sharing the evening
with my spirit guide, Wenonah. I did express to her
that I'm very blessed to be spending NYE with her.
(No, I'm not crazy.) And I told all my loved ones
who've passed on from this life that I love them.
(Seriously - not crazy.)

I'm a homebody, and family is more important to me than
anyone or anything else. But part of me still longs for
something elusive. Not adventure, I've outgrown that stage.
Something serendipitous and serene. True companionship.
I miss my friend Jenn so much. It's been 3 years since she
died. I still don't know if the coroner determined whether
it was a heart attack like they suspected. I tend to suspect
differently. Only because I knew her as well as anyone,
I believe. I haven't spoken to her family since the week after
her funeral. I have no reason to travel to Nederland anymore.
I wasn't close enough to any of them to call. Oh well.

I have no best girl friend, without Jenn. There are no close
girlfriends here. There are friends, but not best friends.
I relate better to men most of the time anyway. Fred is my
best friend, which is as it should be. But there should be more.
I know there must. Everyone feels such longing, I surmise, from
time to time. Surely we all think there must be something else,
somewhere else, that would fit us better. Is that true? I have to
believe it is. There's comfort in assurance that I'm no stranger
than the next poor slob.
*S*

Happy New Year!